Confessions From A Black Rose

As the season begins to change and the final leaves begin to fall I sit and wonder what is in store for me. Will i finally live the life that I have always dreamed of? or will I just be a complete f--k up, living a comfortable but passionless life? There are times when I wonder what would have been if my older self could talk some sense to my younger self. What would I say to my younger self? Where do i start? Fabulous 5 Self : Never stop smiling and never diminish your light for nobody. Do not be afraid to speak up, if people do not like it they are not worth being friends with. Broken 12 year old self: : Always trust your gut and do not take any shit from anyone. Learn to love yourself because you cannot count on getting your self worth from others. In case you have not figure it out by now people suck and there is nothing you can do about it. Continue to surround yourself with positive people, they make the best friends. Do not stress the small things, things always have a way of g

I am trying to remember the last time I spoke to you. I cannot remember. I am trying to remember the last time I heard you laugh or saw you smile. I cannot remember. Now all I want to do is pick up the phone and talk to you about everything and nothing at all but I can't. You are no longer here. It is killing me to know that I will never see you again but I am glad about all the good times we had.The time we skipped the fireworks at Islands of Adventure so we could ride The Hulk one more time. I may not understand why God took you away from me so soon.I admit that at first I was in denial and completely numb. Then I was pissed(I had skipped angry completely) but that is not what you would have wanted. In honor of your memory I will not pick a fight with God because he knows best. I love you dearly and I am sorry that we did not stay in touch, part of that was probably my fault. I love you and miss you cuz. Until we meet again, a bientot.

This year began with the anxiety of planning a wedding, joy of being surrounded by family and the drama that came from people talking too much. By the next day there was so much sadness in the house because someone dear to me had passed away. The following day was a time of happiness as I saw my older sister walk the aisle. This whole year has been filled of joy, anxiety, some drama and sadness. It was as if the first days of the years indicated how the year was going to be for me. A few days ago I had my first wake up call on how short our time on earth is. Someone really dear to me passed away and I feel that apart of me has died. I am almost on auto pilot now. But I know that they would not want that for me. We have to live each day to the fullest. I have not been living my life I have been watching life pass me by and being content standing in the sidelines. Today I am making a promise to myself that I will live my life like I was dying. The truth is humans are just dying. Each day